


Storm

by thespiderbaby



Category: The Fast Show
Genre: M/M, Ralph is incredibly lonely, Repressed Feelings, Sleepovers, Thunderstorms, all the characters in the fast show are from the same universe, mentions of other fast show characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9577727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thespiderbaby/pseuds/thespiderbaby
Summary: A storm leads to a powercut at the big house, and Ted comes over to lend Ralph some candles, and give him some company.





	

Sitting up in his bed, Ralph turned the last page of his photo album and sighed as a photo of him on his wedding day caught his eye. That must've been over five years ago, and Ralph had really thought that she loved him. He could see now that he was mistaken, that no one could ever really love him, no matter how much love he had to give. His mind turned to Ted, but despaired even more as he thought about how Ted had Mrs Ted, and Ralph was no more than a friend to him. Maybe he wasn't even that; Ralph struggled to remember the last proper conversation they'd had, one that didn't concern work, or the drainage in the lower field. It was hopeless. Ralph decided it was time to put the photo album away and get some sleep, even though he'd been trying to avoid sleep for as long as possible, in case another nightmare interrupted his peace. He switched off his bedside light and pulled the covers over himself, feeling small even in his single bed.

Ralph started to drift off to sleep, but just as he'd found that comfortable position and closed his eyes, a distant rumble shook him wide awake. He had always hated storms, and the thunder reminded him of how his father used to mock him for being afraid of it. Ralph did not want to think of such things now. He tried to settle back into bed, hoping it would be over soon but it continued, the flashes of lightning getting brighter and more frequent. 

Ralph went to switch on his bedside lamp to provide some comfort, but panicked slightly when the light didn't come on. Being alone in a massive house with no power in the middle of a storm made him realise how vulnerable he really was. The first thing that came to mind was a scary film he'd seen with Ted in the cinema a few weeks ago. Of course he'd only suggested the scary film so he could cling onto Ted whenever there was a jumpscare. Looking back, it wasn't the best idea; he should've seen the mushy romantic film instead, but maybe Ted wouldn't have enjoyed that one as much. However, Ralph remembered how Ted had been able to comfort him at the cinema, and fumbled in the dark for his 'phone, tapping in Ted's number off by heart. He was the only person Ralph ever 'phoned, after all. 

"T-ted?" Ralph whispered into the mobile. "I'm sorry to bother you at this time but uh...ah do you have any candles? My power is down and it's awfully dark," Ralph mumbled. He had never been comfortable talking on the 'phone.  
"Sir? You're up late," came Ted's reply.  
"Says you, you're awake late as well..." replied Ralph, who then kicked himself. He hadn't intended to sound so flirtatious, and was glad Ted couldn't see him blushing.  
Luckily Ted didn't seem to pick up on this. "I can bring some candles over to you, sir. Just wait where you are; I don't want you to trip over something in the dark."  
"Oh Ted, thank you! What would I do without you?"

Not too long after he put the phone down, Ralph heard a knock at his front door, and the creak of the door opening. Of course, Ralph had trusted Ted with a key to the house after that incident where Ralph's clothes had been stolen. Not that they ever spoke of that incident ever again. 

"Ted?" Ralph called out. "Come on in! I'm upstairs!" Ralph heard Ted's footsteps on the stairs, but stayed in his room just in case he bumped into something. When he saw the light from Ted's torch however, he went to greet him. "Ted...thank you. You didn't have to come up this late, but...thank you. I really appreciate it. You're such a dear....a dear friend, Ted."   
"It's not a problem, sir. I was already awake, you didn't disturb me at all. Couldn't sleep, you see."  
"Oh Ted, I am sorry to hear that."  
"It's fine, sir. I was just watching some telly. It's always crap this time of night though. Always documentaries about that bleedin' washboard guy," Ted replied. "He was never funny and he never will be."  
"I'm not quite sure I know who you're talking about, Ted. But sometimes I watch that old programme where they discuss gardening, and the countryside and so forth. I tell you, Ted, it's taught me so much about the outside world, and it gives me even greater appreciation for you...that is to say, the work you do."

"Thank you, sir," mumbled Ted, hoping to change the subject. "Now shall we light some candles?"  
"Yes, yes of course, Ted." Ralph replied. "We can't stand here chatting in the dark all night!"  
The pair set about lighting the candles and positioning them around Ralph's room. Ted had also brought along some battery operated lights. Before long, a warm glow had been restored to Ralph's bedroom. 

Ted realised that he had never been in Ralph's bedroom before, but then again, he never had any reason to. On the few occasions he'd been up to the house, he had only been in the kitchen and the dining room. And he had the feeling that Ralph would not be able to invite him up here without becoming incredibly flustered. Ted suddenly became very aware of how bare the room was; the wallpaper was peeling in parts and the rug was almost worn away completely in parts. When Ralph's parents were alive, the house was filled with luxurious items, but Ralph had sold most of their belongings in order to pay off his debt, and remove their presence from the house. Not that it had really helped. There was a bed, a wardrobe and a small bookshelf, but no mirror,no flowers or anything to brighten the place up. The few framed photos he had were faced downwards. And to think that Ralph spent most of his time in this house, with no one for company! How incredibly lonely this man must be! And yet, Ted mumbled something about having to get back to his own cottage.  
"Oh no, Ted. Please stay," Ralph said.  
"Sir? I really don't think-"  
"I'm just thinking about the storm, Ted. I would hate to think of you out there in the cold and the dark all by yourself. I wouldn't forgive myself if you got hurt."  
"Thank you...very much, sir. I appreciate it."  
"I'll make us a little snack. Do you like cheesy peas, Ted?"  
Ted smiled gently. "They're great for your teas, sir." 

Some time later, Ted and Ralph had finished their food and were sitting in the kitchen together. Ralph opened his mouth, as if to say something, but must've though better of it, as the silence remained.  
"Sir?" Ted was the one who at long last broke the silence.  
"Ted, you are allowed to call me Ralph. I really would rather prefer it. I find that these titles make things so much more impersonal."  
"Sorry, sir...Ralph. Sorry Ralph," Ted corrected himself. "I'm sorry for asking this, but where will I sleep?"  
"You can sleep in my bed of course," said Ralph, reddening as he realised what he'd just said. "Err, I mean, you know, obviously not...with...me. No, no, I was just taking into account your back problems, and how it would be considerably more comfortable for you. I did not mean for one second to imply that we would be...we would be...no, I shall take the floor. Anyway, there wouldn't be enough room for us both as I only have a single bed. But! All of that is completely beside the point. I'm sorry, Ted, I did not wish to embarrass you..." Ralph trailed off, realising that it would be best to stop before he said something that would embarrass both him and Ted even further.

Ralph had found an old sleeping bag, so started to ensure that he'd be comfortable on the floor. Ted was already in bed, and Ralph was avoiding looking at him as much as possible, in case he started getting flustered again. The pair had mostly been silent since they'd left the kitchen, but, as always, it was Ralph who broke the silence.  
"I suppose this is rather like a sleepover, isn't it, Ted? Like one you'd invite all your school chums along to, and you'd stay up all night... chatting."  
"I wouldn't know about that, sir."  
"No, well...neither would I. I was never invited to any of those big parties...anyway, lets not get into that...umm...what do people talk about at these sleepovers then, Ted?"  
"Crushes, usually, I think sir."  
"I see," Ralph thought this over for a moment. "Do you...do you have a crush, Ted?"  
"I wouldn't know about that, sir."  
"Oh..." Ralph said, trying not to show any disappointment at Ted's response. He took a deep breath. "I er...I suppose you could say I have a small crush.  
But the thing is, I think I must just be completely unlovable. No one has ever asked me out. I am empty and I can't reach out to anybody. I'm pathetic, aren't I, Ted?" Ralph was aware that he was saying too much, but he was just so tired and he couldn't stop himself.   
Ted was shocked by this sudden outpouring of emotion; Ralph always bottled up his emotions and it was impossible to know how he was feeling. This always worried Ted, he wanted Ralph to be able to express himself freely.  
"Well, sir...whoever this crush of yours may be," Ted said, speaking in the vaguest terms possible. "I'm sure they care very deeply for you. Maybe they even share your feelings."  
Ralph was silent for a while.  
Go on, Ted thought, say it. I know how you feel about me. I know you love me. I love you too.  
It was no secret in the village that Ralph loved Ted. Ted couldn't even set foot in the pub without his friends asking when the wedding was. But Ted felt sure he was the only one who knew that Ralph's feelings were returned.   
At last Ralph spoke. "Do you...do you really think that, Ted?" He sounded as if he might be crying.  
But instead, Ted changed the subject. "Tomorrow, I'll have to be up early...get a headstart on tackling the drainage in the lower field."  
"Of course, Ted. I wonder what will happen first: me finding love, or the lower field's drainage problem getting fixed?

Ralph and Ted did speak some more, before finally falling asleep, but the subject of love was actively avoided. Ted wished he had said something when he had had the chance, and when he said goodbye to Ralph after a big breakfast of pop-tarts, he could swear he still saw some tears in Ralph's eyes. Ted promised himself that he'd tell Ralph his feelings if the topic ever came up again. But he doubted Ralph would have the courage to.

A few days later, Ted was drinking at the pub with his friends, laughing about the time he got the wrong kind of manure for the grounds. Of course, as soon as Ralph walked into the pub, Ted and his friends fell silent.  
"Ah, Ted!" exclaimed Ralph, seemingly oblivious to the fact that all of Ted's friends were laughing and whispering to each other. "Just the man I wanted to see! I did so enjoy it when you stayed at mine the other night. Would you care to join me again...tonight, perhaps?"  
"I'm sorry, sir," replied Ted, increasingly aware that all his friends were staring. "I don't think I can."  
"Then I must apologise for interrupting you. Another time, perhaps?"  
As soon as Ralph left, Ted's friend, Mark, turned to him. "Oh, Ted, you'll break his heart you know. I know this love thing's all old bollocks but, you'll have to tell him one day."  
"For the last time!" Ted shouted at all his friends, who were making kissy faces. "I don't feel that way about him!" And he hated himself for lying like that. Getting up from his bar stool, he made his way towards the door, knowing that he could still catch up with Ralph.

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for writing about Ted and Ralph in a storm from my friend Cerys! If you're reading this, thank you!


End file.
